What has happened to BDSM?
In the 1990’s if you read about BDSM it would either be obvious fantasy (like the car chase in an American movie) or it would be about real-life Safe, Sane, and Consensual BDSM.
Safe meant that you all knew what you were doing and there wouldn’t be any physical or mental damage, sane meant that you were not drunk or high when you did or received BDSM, and consensual meant that everyone wanted to take part in the session and do the activities.
An Australian introduction to BDSM held at Eagle Leather added fun to the mantra - because the reason we do BDSM is because it is fun.
Back then it was accepted that everyone had their own right level - so going further wasn’t necessarily better.
With SSC-BDSM the above photo shows a woman enjoying her dominance and a man enjoying his submission to her. This is fun for both.
(Note that this photo is probably not Devotional Sex because this is such a strong statement of domination that most non-dominant women would not want to have their Knight do this.
On the other hand, having her Knight naked at her feet giving her a foot massage is something than I’ve found that many Princesses enjoy :)
It seems that porn-BDSM has now taken over.
Rather than aiming to teach people how to enjoy BDSM in real-life, porn-BDSM is mainly about engaging the emotions of the consumer. And to get more emotional impact everything has been taken to the extreme.
CFNM is now strongly associated with humiliation. Domination no longer has respect and warmth but is about contempt and coldness.
And even worse, the idea that everything is fully consensual and is done for mutual fun has disappeared.
With porn-BDSM some men will fantasise about being forced to do this by a cruel and uncaring Mistress.
Thanks to porn-BDSM people now seriously fear, or even expect, that if there is BDSM involved people will starting acting in despicable ways.
Places like FetLife have a mixture of these two types of BDSM. FetLife clearly has many contributors who still practice and promote SSC-BDSM, but often FetLife will be dominated by the porn-BDSM content - those who tend not to do but to fantasise.
When people detect some BDSM flavour to Devotional Sex again and again I’m asked what is there to stop the Princesses abusing her power?
For example, assuming that a man doesn’t want to do what is shown in the above photo, what is there to stop a Princess from making her Knight do this?
If I have a puppy, what’s to stop me pouring lighter fluid over it and setting it alight? Well, basic human decency says that this is to me, and hopefully everyone, is a despicable act of cruelty.
To me, just like it is unthinkable that if I gave someone a puppy that they would torture it, it is unthinkable that if I engaged in sexual activity with someone that it would be anything other than fully consensual, mutually respectful, and mutual fun.
The assumption behind good vanilla sex, behind SSC-BDSM, and behind Devotional Sex is that everyone is always nice to each other.
Isn’t it sad that thanks to porn-BDSM some people no longer assume that people will be nice to each other?
Questions, comments and discussion are welcome at my forum here.