jimcurb wrote about the restaurant game post:

Too right. As a knight, I LOVE the whole Devotional Sex vibe, but I am definitely not into BDSM. I would get no enjoyment from the ‘Other Hand’ treatment at all, and would find such a request from a woman as rather creepy.

In the restaurant game post I left out the feelings of the man (to keep the post short) but I had included his feelings in a post I wrote yesterday in my forum.

I’m just like you - I also would not like my Princess to play this game. In fact I would resent it. 

I’m hers within the dynamic of Devotional Sex which for me only covers sensual and sexual activities. If in the restaurant my Princess told me to kiss her hand then that would fit right in to my being her Knight. 

So the ‘other hand’ game is also a good test of whether the man is submissive beyond the sexual.

For some BDSM people wider submission (such as enjoying submitting to the ‘other hand’ game) is what makes a ‘real’ sub, and the limited submission which you and like is looked down upon as just being sexual. So some think that what I do isn’t real BDSM.

As none of my Princesses have been dominant, none have wanted me to be a ‘true’ submissive. 

So when both he and her enjoy the ‘other hand’ game you have a beautiful Dom/sub dynamic.

But if both she and he find the idea of this game a bit creepy - this doesn’t rule out the possibility of them both loving Devotional Sex.

A Knight is strong because he decides he wants to be her Knight, and thus tells her that he wants to ejaculate far less often and that he will obey her sensual and sexual requests.

His Princess soars on his strength and uses the power he has given her to create a better and more intimate sex life for them both.

Photo: David Vance

At the restaurant he is just about to pick up his drink for the first time when she says “Tonight I want you to use your other hand every time you pick up your drink.”

For me this is a beautiful example of some domestic Dom/sub interaction. She is doing this to enjoy her dominance. She is testing his submission and obedience. 

A person who is naturally dominant will probably think “What a great idea. I must do that next time I’m with a sub at a restaurant.”

A non-dominant reader might easily understand how a dominant person would enjoy doing this, but they know they wouldn’t enjoy making someone do this even if that person had given them control over them. Some women might even feel bad if they for some reason had to make someone do this.

I suspect that many people who like this ‘other hand’ restaurant game will see Devotional Sex as just a form of sensual domination.

I predict that most women who don’t see any fun in making a man use his other hand in a restaurant would not be interested in becoming a sensual Domme.

What makes Devotional Sex different is that many women who don’t enjoy domination eg don’t see any fun in the ‘other hand’ game, will enjoy being a Devotional Sex Princess.

He is in her hands.

Two optional but recommended parts of Devotional Sex are sleeping in the nude and having a nightly cuddle ritual.

With my first Princess we did both, and as she usually went to bed a bit earlier than me, she would often appear naked at the living room door after her evening shower to call me in for a cuddle. 

Especially when you have not cum for a while seeing your naked Princess calling you to bed is an exciting thing! So of course I would always be keen to follow her into the bedroom.

I would quickly jump out of my clothes, get into bed, and the feel of her naked body against mine would very quickly have me fully hard.

What happened next? We both knew that this was up to her.

We had been together for nine years, so the reality was that about half the time nothing further happened.

The key use of Princess Power when living Devotional Sex isn’t her making sex happen, it is her feeling relaxed and comfortable deciding that some evenings will be just a cuddle.  

And this was OK with me because expecting sex every evening can only be fantasy.

Seeing this photo reminds me of all those evenings with my first Princess when I desired her and I eagerly followed her to the bedroom not knowing what would follow.

Mutual bliss.

Keeping him thinking about her.

Are you, or is your partner or date, a naturally dominant women?

If so the female having control part of Devotional Sex will be very similar to gentle femdom or sensual domination. In fact the control part will be so similar that they are the same thing.

The above photo isn’t just a photo of a woman in control - it is a photo of a woman enjoying her dominance.

I think this is a beautiful photo of a loving femdom dynamic. As I’ve said that when the woman is dominant that the power dynamic is the same as sensual domination then this could be a photo of Devotional Sex when the woman is dominant.

There is more to Devotional Sex than just the female control (eg the man ejaculating less often and the many tantric flavoured activities), but with the female control part am I just trying to get those into mild femdom to use another name for what they do?

The answer is no - though Devotional Sex throws in a few new ideas, it isn’t going to change the BDSM world.

Where Devotional Sex will have the biggest impact is outside the BDSM world because Devotional Sex works beautifully with non-dominant women.  

When the woman is not dominant the dynamic, feel, and even the activities of Devotional Sex are different from sensual domination. 

When the Princess isn’t dominant (and really, the term Princess isn’t a good term to use when she is dominant) the feel and dynamic captured in this photo just doesn’t happen.

Consequently this photo doesn’t represent or capture Devotional Sex. Not only would it not happen outside, this wouldn’t even happen in the privacy of their living room.

(But couples with a non-dominant woman still occasionally play with the femdom archetype and activities, and so I can imagine such a couple setting this photo up for fun. But she wouldn’t be feeling dominant - she would just be acting.)

So if you, or your partner or date, are a naturally dominant women then this photo would be a nice representation of your power dynamic. And I’m very happy for you to call what you do sensual domination.

But if you, or your partner or date, is NOT a naturally dominant woman, then Devotional Sex offers you a lifestyle that is different from sensual domination, a lifestyle which is 80% tantric and in fact not very kinky, a lifestyle which I’ve found that many non-dominant women very much enjoy.

When the woman isn’t naturally dominant the term Princess is a very apt title. For the photo above Mistress is probably more appropriate.

So Devotional Sex isn’t primarily another form of BDSM. It is mainly aimed at women who are not into BDSM. 

That is why I believe that the technique is new. And that is why, to me, Devotional Sex is so exciting.

You can discuss this post here on my forum.

Her deciding what activities happen doesn’t mean that activities which might be thought of as female submissive are banned.

With Devotional Sex if she wants this then she gets this!

It is a slightly strange feeling for a Knight doing doggy because on one hand the position feels dominant but on the other he is only doing this because his Princess decided and he also has to be careful not to ejaculate - so even though he is in a dominant position he also feels hers.

He is in her hands.

The beauty of his Princess.

What has happened to BDSM?

In the 1990’s if you read about BDSM it would either be obvious fantasy (like the car chase in an American movie) or it would be about real-life Safe, Sane, and Consensual BDSM.

Safe meant that you all knew what you were doing and there wouldn’t be any physical or mental damage, sane meant that you were not drunk or high when you did or received BDSM, and consensual meant that everyone wanted to take part in the session and do the activities.

An Australian introduction to BDSM held at Eagle Leather added fun to the mantra - because the reason we do BDSM is because it is fun.

Back then it was accepted that everyone had their own right level - so going further wasn’t necessarily better.

With SSC-BDSM the above photo shows a woman enjoying her dominance and a man enjoying his submission to her. This is fun for both.

(Note that this photo is probably not Devotional Sex because this is such a strong statement of domination that most non-dominant women would not want to have their Knight do this.

On the other hand, having her Knight naked at her feet giving her a foot massage is something than I’ve found that many Princesses enjoy :)

It seems that porn-BDSM has now taken over.

Rather than aiming to teach people how to enjoy BDSM in real-life, porn-BDSM is mainly about engaging the emotions of the consumer.  And to get more emotional impact everything has been taken to the extreme.

CFNM is now strongly associated with humiliation. Domination no longer has respect and warmth but is about contempt and coldness.

And even worse, the idea that everything is fully consensual and is done for mutual fun has disappeared.

With porn-BDSM some men will fantasise about being forced to do this by a cruel and uncaring Mistress. 

Thanks to porn-BDSM people now seriously fear, or even expect, that if there is BDSM involved people will starting acting in despicable ways.

Places like FetLife have a mixture of these two types of BDSM. FetLife clearly has many contributors who still practice and promote SSC-BDSM, but often FetLife will be dominated by the porn-BDSM content - those who tend not to do but to fantasise.

When people detect some BDSM flavour to Devotional Sex again and again I’m asked what is there to stop the Princesses abusing her power?

For example, assuming that a man doesn’t want to do what is shown in the above photo, what is there to stop a Princess from making her Knight do this?

If I have a puppy, what’s to stop me pouring lighter fluid over it and setting it alight? Well, basic human decency says that this is to me, and hopefully everyone, is a despicable act of cruelty. 

To me, just like it is unthinkable that if I gave someone a puppy that they would torture it, it is unthinkable that if I engaged in sexual activity with someone that it would be anything other than fully consensual, mutually respectful, and mutual fun. 

The assumption behind good vanilla sex, behind SSC-BDSM, and behind Devotional Sex is that everyone is always nice to each other.

Isn’t it sad that thanks to porn-BDSM some people no longer assume that people will be nice to each other?

Questions, comments and discussion are welcome at my forum here.

Though I’m happy to discuss this further, I suspect that most of my Tumblr readers have had enough of this debate.

So I’ve written my reply in this topic on my forum.

I welcome further discussion on my forum.

One advantage of him not ejaculating often is that she knows that he is always in admiration of her beauty.